Being Exponential

children

I write my name
In blood and pain
To ward off attacks
And the overt disdain

Polite inquiries
Are as transparent as lies
As obvious and obtuse
As an ill fitted disguise

Curiosity isn’t caring
It doesn’t even deceive
What the side ways glances
Of naysayers Believe

Being authentic is an option
That only the courageous tries
Its a battle to matter
That taking the offensive belies.

How you show up
Is a soul searching Choice
No matter how that manifests
It is YOU…. using your voice

Jen Ward

 

https://www.smashwords.com/books/notPublished/626251

When the Noisy World Disturbs You

The_Wisdom_of_the_Tr_Cover_for_Kindle.jpg
 
The trees are absorbing sound for you. That is what they do. The more appreciation you give the trees around you, the more they will be able to help. Houseplants can absorb the sound from inside and even planting more trees or foliage outside help. It is the intention that will do it.
 
Your personal frequency is very high so the negative noises and interactions are there to balance yours. The cars in a sense, are driving by to mess with you. Not in an intentional way but a random way. You may already get a sense of this. It is true. The more you can accept that the world wants to vibrate with the resonance of you, the more you will stop feeling like a victim of the noise.
 
That is important because feeling like a victim closes down your energy and then you are not as comfortable in you bliss. So if you can counter the noises with gratitude that others are desperately seeking what you have, you can keep your energy open. Because gratitude opens up the chakras. In that way, you will be gifting all around you, the ability to match your resonance. That is very healing for the planet and for humanity.

The Fires in California

 
 
Some things that happen in the world are necessary forms of cleansing. Fire is a form of purification and the world is going through purification. But it is pretty insensitive to write that when lives are lost and homes are destroyed. I have done energy work to repair the schism of the San Andreas fault in the past.
 
People think these things are inevitable but have they ever tried with their intentions to repair what needs repairing? I do. I got a sense that the work I do, did in fact prevented this reality from being inevitable. The curses of saying California are on borrowed time are removed as well. So a new reality has been established.
 
There are many different scenarios that could happen in any situation, when we adopt a positive outlook, we create a portal for a different reality to emerge. That is why people need to be positive. They are living, breathing portal makers whether they wish to be or not. What we have been agreeing to has not been beneficial. So there is a new reality in California but the negative residual energy that has accrued on the planet is combustible.
 
Hopefully, the energy of all the curses to California falling off into the ocean are what are being dissipated in the fires. Curses are creating a negative portal for others to walk in.
 
There is more information about this that I will be sharing in my newsletter. If people are interested, they can sign up soon on my website. Let me know if you would like a notice when it is available.
 
 

The Single Lane of Spirituality

DSCN0974.JPG
 
Group dynamics prey on the primal fear of being alone. Out in the Universe, it is an ominous thing to be alone with one’s self. Groups are created to compensate for this. This works for a while. But when it comes to your spiritual progress, it is not possible to make headway while being a part of a group dynamic.
 
Awakening is a single lane experience. One needs to be completely individualized to transcend. That means that every thing that you know as truth is what you yourself have experienced in some tangible or intangible way.
 
You can get mandates from a book, or learn from the experiences of someone else. But you must be experienced in every aspect of your awakened state. That means just quoting a book or a respected sage is not exactly realizing what they are speaking about.
 
Quoting a book or someone else, rings of inexperience. It is like doing something because “mom said so”. Obedience is not the most aware state when delving the depth of your beingness. It is great to have someone to emulate as long as you stay accountable for your own growth every step of the world.
 
Group consensus is too wide a girth to fit through the doorway of higher consciousness. We will all get there. But it is through self-responsibility and accountability in every aspect of our beingness and not through denial, pointing fingers, judgement, distractions or wishful thinking. Love, kindness, compassion, integrity, sincerity and truth are a direct path to spiritual awakening.

Advice For The Sensitive Pet

DSCN4525
 
When you have a new puppy or kitten, they may be heart-sick. Gone are the days when we look at animals as soul-less appendages. Puppies and kittens miss their litter mates. They may get lonely for them. Many puppies feel like captives with their new owners until they get to a dog park and realize that everyone has their own human.
 
It does puppies good to see other dogs with their owners. The new owner should talk about the babies feeling with him during cuddle sessions and validate them. Tell them all the siblings have their own people too. The baby thinks that their litter mates and mama are all together somewhere living life without them. The sensitive kind, need an understanding. It will help acclimate them to the family, instead of having them bury the wound of leaving their birth family.
 
Even if you’re not the first owner. Many animals who have behavioral issues are carrying this wound of separation. You can be the one to heal it. Simply by explaining. There is nothing more painful than the void of believing you are missing out. You can spare your fur baby from this. It is not always the case but it the ones that it is, it is excruciating if not debilitating. I have had very old pets, still wonder about their litter mates. It is like ruminating the glory days to them.
 
People need to be more sensitive when separating the puppies and kitties. It is a shock to their psyche. It will help if new humans talks about how all loved puppies or kitties get their own people. It is a new concept but shouldn’t be. As humans become more aware and sensitive, so do their pets.
 
 

Loving Balance

IMG_1085

In our natural state, our energy is a perpetual flow of love. There is a desire that borders on compulsion to give and share. We hold a memory of this completeness within our energy field and it is what we aspire to return to.

Due to trauma and fear, our loving flow diminishes to a trickle. This diminishes our access to the energy that fuels and inspires us. We greatly shut down and become less effective in helping ourselves and uplifting others.

Those who are trying hard to become effective again may get skewed in sharing. They are trying their best but their sharing is mental rants or emotional dumping. Since their energy flow is still introverted their sharing is based on fear or problems.

When someone is in this mode of processing, try to listen to them obliquely (if you feel you must listen). Sympathy has a low frequency to it so giving too much sympathy can actually hinder someone more than help them. A greater way to help them is to validate their greatness rather than their issues. Remind them of their resilient spirit and that anything that they are experiencing is temporary. They will try to bring you into their pain but that is only out of fear or loneliness. They don’t understand what they do.

To get out of that state ourselves, the best thing we can do is just give. Give of our talents, our time, our gifts in any way that allows us to prime the pump of generosity and love that is our natural state. But in doing so, realize that we have to include loving ourselves. Because when we can Love others AND Love ourselves, then we are in balance.

The Ritualistic Torture. or……. How the Celestial Sound of God Saved My Life

 

I don’t really want to write this. But I got the prompting to do so. I can’t know who it serves but it isn’t easy to write.

Everyday that I was imprisoned went similar to the day before. There were some different events added in. Like when I was sent out in the middle of the night in the snow storms to walk around the perimeter of the property in the dark. Or I was kept up for some exercise in sleep deprivation. Otherwise, the days and nights were all the same.

I would wake up before dawn and wait for the footsteps above me dreading the order to get up be dressed before he was ready to go out side. I would have to walk behind him 30 feet as he walked in the woods. He would get angry if I looked at him so he would give me difficult tasks, if I did, to burn off his anger.

I would then be sent out into the woods to work all day and was not allowed to come in before he said I could eat. I was given a small bowl of rice but if I enjoyed eating it he would be angry. He stopped feeding me at the end because it irritated him that I enjoyed the bowl of rice. I would not be allowed back in the house until after sunset when he called for me. I would then go into my room in the basement and wait for him to bark orders to me.

“Feed Chewy” (my dog that was now his). “Shower!” Any longer that 2 minutes would make him angry. “Food!” I was allowed to run up the stairs and get my bowl of rice. “Sleep” I was not allowed to lay down before then. There would be consequences if I did.

When he did deviate from the routine, it was worse. The unpredictability of it was disconcerting. Sometimes he would not let me eat until I explained how I killed my own baby. (I unfortunately told him at one point that I had an abortion. The more horrific I made the details and embellished what a horrible person I was,the happier he was. This routine made him very pleased. The other thing he enjoyed doing was making me carry wood into the house after I had worked all day outside. I walked in a zombie like state. He watched me and was looking for signs of resistance. I gave him none.

The torture sessions started after I had my bowl of rice. He would come down eating his dinner in front of me. If he saw a reaction in me, he took it as a sign that there was evil in me. Then he rode me really hard.

He knew I was an energy healer. I had helped him out considerably before we got to the property. But something in his head told him that I was stealing from him and that HE was the powerful energy worker. He believed that I had stolen his gifts and abilities and that he was a member of a dynamic super race and I was equivalent to a fallen angel. He has so much hate in him and it was all directed at me.

There were people that he hated in his life and he thought that I had an energetic access to them. He wanted me to energetically destroy them and he wanted to see it manifest in the physical. That is what he was waiting for when he had me and why he kept me. He hated his mother, boss, brother, ex girlfriend and a few others. He was waiting for confirmation that the evil in the world was being wiped out through me energetically destroying all of them. I played along and pretend that they were getting destroyed energetically. I had created huge back stories of how they were being destroyed energetically.

I would just play along. I would not and could not do anything to harm them But he depended on this reality. He blamed me when he didn’t get any outward confirmation of their demise. That made him hate me more and more. He thought that I was harboring the evil that he thought they were, within. He thought by destroying me, he would be destroying them.

So in the “sessions” he made me role play; them in their worst pain. He thought I was tapping into it and he actually believed it. I had to act out a different horrific scenarios of the slow torturous death of each one of them. One was by poisoning, one was by being burned alive, one was going down in a plane crash. Each one was so taxing because I had to make it convincing and so I had to pour into it all he fervor and energy of one dying a torturous death over and over again.

One particular night, he was getting impatient with the amount of time it was to get evidence that one of these people had been destroyed. He made me act out how they were suffering in energy over and over again. We were at it for hours. He felt that I was going to die as well when these people died. He said I was a compilation of them all and that I would die when our work together was finished. He explained to me how easy it would to bury my body in the woods because no one missed me and no one would care. That part I believed. I still do. He would have gotten away with it if I had died there.

This one night, the role playing went on for what seemed like forever. I had to toggle between scenarios and different nemesis until I was about to drop. Yet he was not satisfied. As I did each person in his life, he would yell at them, “You’re going to die”. He did this with a huge list of people we had made scenarios for.

Suddenly I got dizzy and confused. Everything started to blur in me and swirl around. Suddenly I heard the most beautiful music within my head. I stopped the role playing looked up and said in the most innocent voice, “I hear music”.

He stopped. “Who said that?” He asked. He did not recognize it as any of the cast of characters.. “Who said that?” He demanded.

In that innocent voice, I said, “It is beautiful”

He stopped. His demeanor changed. He was kind to this voice. He said in a nurturing way, “You are going to live”

I was so relieved. I knew I would make it out alive because of this innocent aspect of me that he witnessed. He had a kindness and a soft heart for this voice that he heard. He would want to engage it. He built a whole back story around it. It was a retarded boy that was robbed of all that it had by the ruthless evil other components of me. He gave it the name Skippy. He would have me do jobs that Skippy would like.

After that, I knew I was going to live. He would come out to see me after that and look forward to seeing Skippy and get really angry if I was not in Skippy mode. I don’t know what that looked like but I tried real hard to be that. I tried to be good and innocent so that I could survive.

That is why when I returned to civilization, I thought I was a retarded boy. I can catch Skippy in my voice once and awhile and then I am left wondering what all did transpire in energy during that year of imprisonment. People accuse me of being defensive. I am certain this experience acerbated that. I also believe it is why I refuse to self reflective. It brings me back to those rituals. I will keep my defenses and quirky inconsistencies. I have come by them honestly. I am doing my best that I can to contribute my gifts and make amends for whatever transgressions I may have done. Please don’t expect me to do any more. I sincerely believe I am doing the best I can.

As for that inner music, I know it is the celestial sound of God. It comes in different tones. But the pure music is what I heard that day. Hearing it kept me alive. I think of it as God speaking to me and healing me in it’s native tongue. I have heard recently that others have heard that sound as well. As far as I am concerned, God intervened for me that night. Perhaps that is what he is doing for others when they hear that sound. I hope they appreciate it a little bit. It surly is a gift.