When I spent the year in involuntary confinement, I had to work through the nights pulling out huge trees stumps. It was an excuse to keep me outside because I wasn’t wanted. I would be laying in the dirt working to dig out the roots with a flash light. I was hungry and lonely. The house was a good ways away and I would watch the window hoping beyond all hopes that “he” would come out to see me and tell me I could come in the house.
I would watch the dining room window looking for a sign that I was going to get to come in the house. I would watch the neighbors window and see movement there. I would fantasize about them coming over, seeing me working and invite me into their home and feed me. I actually thought it was a possibility that someone, any one would care enough to acknowledge me and show me some kindness. My hopes were deflated when the lights went off for the night. It was such a sinking feeling.
It was a devastating lonely existence. I was cold, lonely, hungry and tired and knew that no one cared. That everyone else had warmth and comfort and I had none. No one was going to rescue me.I felt like I was going to spend forever in this predicament because no one was going to give me permission to come in.
This is the experience that plays out a million times over by people who chain their dogs up in their back yard. They are pack animals They want to be inside among the people and have a sense of belonging as much as I did. They deserve it. Their feelings and their quality of life are just as important as mine.
If everyone knew how excruciating this experience is, they would not inflict it on another. Pets need to be treated with compassion. It is hard for me to think of anyone experiencing what I did; regardless of whether they are in a dog body or not. They deserve a sense of belonging. To do less is cruel.
I write my name
In blood and pain
To ward off attacks
And the overt disdain
Are as transparent as lies
As obvious and obtuse
As an ill fitted disguise
Curiosity isn’t caring
It doesn’t even deceive
What the side ways glances
Of naysayers Believe
Being authentic is an option
That only the courageous tries
Its a battle to matter
That taking the offensive belies.
How you show up
Is a soul searching Choice
No matter how that manifests
It is YOU…. using your voice
If you ever have any kind of creativity block, go outside to a tree that catches your fancy and create in the venue you are comfortable with while under the tree. You will be surprised that all the resistance will melt away. Trees are the best poets!
Written by a Tree
Open up the floodgates
Between the human and Divine
Rest yourself in sweat stained sheets
Let your ego lay supine
Offer yourself up to the heavens
That beckon you to undress
The real self walks in brilliant wonders
That the mind cannot suppress
Bring a gift back to this world
A memory or insight
Leave it as a “Bread crumb trail”
So others may take flight.
Jen Ward 4/21/14
The Golden Amber of an azure sky
Erases the memory of times gone by
Turn off the news, sit within….
Forget all talk of war and sin.
Your heart is a working aperture. A dial if you will….
You can get a sense of it, while advancing to be still
It’s set on “closed” by all the pain you see.
But it needs to be open for all to be free
We need to accept the depth of who we all are
Forgo every transgression, being transfixed on each scar
The collective of all, needs to undo that dial
Unjar the crust, squeeze out a smile
Forget thinking of factions that pump out the pain
Focus on the goodness of the all that remain
Quiet the fear and memory of loss
Perpetuate truth, love and kindness. Absorb any cost.
See…the azure sky is more than fodder for art
It’s the beckoning within to a luminous heart
Not just for us…..or we’d stay wallowing in pride.
For all souls who call earth the home they reside
When turning the dial. let the worry rescind
Then love in this world will collectively begin
You can witness the news till you’re blue in the face
But it won’t heal the world like a pure act of Grace
You can beat both your fists until they’re bruised, battered and broken
But it won’t be as powerful as when truth is spoken
You can deny all you want through shit eating teeth
But your innocent essence transparently cowers beneath
Just unwind the dial and let it come forth
Accept the stinging reality of knowing your worth
Be one of the unfurling souls coming out from ground cover
Awaken to the connectedness we’re anxious to discover
Then all outer circumstances will flip on a dime
Wonder will bloom, inner music will chime
Then everyone everywhere may start to agree
In this powerful intention for the collective “we”
Maybe you’ll feel love; not just for those that you bore
But for every single stranger on the way to the store
And as pure love pumps out from that perpetual old well
The concept of Truth, Love and Kindness will be easy to sell
Jen Ward 7/20/14