The Loneliest Experience

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When I spent the year in involuntary confinement, I had to work through the nights pulling out huge trees stumps. It was an excuse to keep me outside because I wasn’t wanted. I would be laying in the dirt working to dig out the roots with a flash light. I was hungry and lonely. The house was a good ways away and I would watch the window hoping beyond all hopes that “he” would come out to see me and tell me I could come in the house.

I would watch the dining room window looking for a sign that I was going to get to come in the house. I would watch the neighbors window and see movement there. I would fantasize about them coming over, seeing me working and invite me into their home and feed me. I actually thought it was a possibility that someone, any one would care enough to acknowledge me and show me some kindness. My hopes were deflated when the lights went off for the night. It was such a sinking feeling.

It was a devastating lonely existence. I was cold, lonely, hungry and tired and knew that no one cared. That everyone else had warmth and comfort and I had none. No one was going to rescue me.I felt like I was going to spend forever in this predicament because no one was going to give me permission to come in.

This is the experience that plays out a million times over by people who chain their dogs up in their back yard. They are pack animals They want to be inside among the people and have a sense of belonging as much as I did. They deserve it. Their feelings and their quality of life are just as important as mine.

If everyone knew how excruciating this experience is, they would not inflict it on another. Pets need to be treated with compassion. It is hard for me to think of anyone experiencing what I did; regardless of whether they are in a dog body or not. They deserve a sense of belonging. To do less is cruel.

https://www.createspace.com/7205814

Being Exponential

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I write my name
In blood and pain
To ward off attacks
And the overt disdain

Polite inquiries
Are as transparent as lies
As obvious and obtuse
As an ill fitted disguise

Curiosity isn’t caring
It doesn’t even deceive
What the side ways glances
Of naysayers Believe

Being authentic is an option
That only the courageous tries
Its a battle to matter
That taking the offensive belies.

How you show up
Is a soul searching Choice
No matter how that manifests
It is YOU…. using your voice

Jen Ward

 

https://www.smashwords.com/books/notPublished/626251

When the Noisy World Disturbs You

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The trees are absorbing sound for you. That is what they do. The more appreciation you give the trees around you, the more they will be able to help. Houseplants can absorb the sound from inside and even planting more trees or foliage outside help. It is the intention that will do it.
 
Your personal frequency is very high so the negative noises and interactions are there to balance yours. The cars in a sense, are driving by to mess with you. Not in an intentional way but a random way. You may already get a sense of this. It is true. The more you can accept that the world wants to vibrate with the resonance of you, the more you will stop feeling like a victim of the noise.
 
That is important because feeling like a victim closes down your energy and then you are not as comfortable in you bliss. So if you can counter the noises with gratitude that others are desperately seeking what you have, you can keep your energy open. Because gratitude opens up the chakras. In that way, you will be gifting all around you, the ability to match your resonance. That is very healing for the planet and for humanity.

Written By A Tree

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If you ever have any kind of creativity block, go outside to a tree that catches your fancy and create in the venue you are comfortable with while under the tree. You will be surprised that all the resistance will melt away. Trees are the best poets!

Written by a Tree

Open up the floodgates
Between the human and Divine
Rest yourself in sweat stained sheets
Let your ego lay supine

Offer yourself up to the heavens
That beckon you to undress
The real self walks in brilliant wonders
That the mind cannot suppress

Bring a gift back to this world
A memory or insight
Leave it as a “Bread crumb trail”
So others may take flight.

Jen Ward 4/21/14

The Love Dial

 

The Golden Amber of an azure sky
Erases the memory of times gone by

Turn off the news, sit within….
Forget all talk of war and sin.

Your heart is a working aperture. A dial if you will….
You can get a sense of it, while advancing to be still

It’s set on “closed” by all the pain you see.
But it needs to be open for all to be free

We need to accept the depth of who we all are
Forgo every transgression, being transfixed on each scar

The collective of all, needs to undo that dial
Unjar the crust, squeeze out a smile

Forget thinking of factions that pump out the pain
Focus on the goodness of the all that remain

Quiet the fear and memory of loss
Perpetuate truth, love and kindness. Absorb any cost.

See…the azure sky is more than fodder for art
It’s the beckoning within to a luminous heart

Not just for us…..or we’d stay wallowing in pride.
For all souls who call earth the home they reside

When turning the dial. let the worry rescind
Then love in this world will collectively begin

You can witness the news till you’re blue in the face
But it won’t heal the world like a pure act of Grace

You can beat both your fists until they’re bruised, battered and broken
But it won’t be as powerful as when truth is spoken

You can deny all you want through shit eating teeth
But your innocent essence transparently cowers beneath

Just unwind the dial and let it come forth
Accept the stinging reality of knowing your worth

Be one of the unfurling souls coming out from ground cover
Awaken to the connectedness we’re anxious to discover

Then all outer circumstances will flip on a dime
Wonder will bloom, inner music will chime

Then everyone everywhere may start to agree
In this powerful intention for the collective “we”

Maybe you’ll feel love; not just for those that you bore
But for every single stranger on the way to the store

And as pure love pumps out from that perpetual old well
The concept of Truth, Love and Kindness will be easy to sell

Jen Ward 7/20/14

The Most Glamorous Thing…….

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The most glamorous thing about having a book signing is telling people you are having a book signing. In reality, it is putting one’s’ self in a very vulnerable state. It is not like a Kardashian launching their next whim or a president writing a book on behalf of their popular pooch. It is not like Justin Bieber being discovered in at mall. It is a desperate, quiet cry for validation of one’s contribution to an indifferent barrage of strangers.
A person who writes a book usually is introspective enough to be able to write a book. That indicates right there that there is a chunk of time not committed to social skill. One who is more comfortable alone with their thoughts, may not feel so comfortable in a crowd. It is fair to say that, in general, a writer may sacrifice their social aptitude for their writing. So to display themselves out in front of a crowd can be awkward.
A book Signing entails sitting in front of a crowd of disinterested strangers hoping for a crumb of interest in what you have poured your essence into. True, the market is inundated with vanity books. This only makes it more difficult for a dedicated writer to be discovered among the fluff. To have eight books to offer thus far to the public, as I do, shows either a passion for writing, a narcissistic streak, or a true calling to contribute to humanity. I believe it is the latter.
To spend all of my days alone, with no social interaction to putting myself in front of strangers is a stretch. It is an act of faith. There are subtle dreads involved that could fill a whole other book. When one writes a book, they don’t really think through what it entails to have it accepted by mainstream. It is a whole totally different job description than writing the books.
Today I will be at Lift Bridge Book Shop in Brockport NY. It is a home town atmosphere there. They are very gracious and accommodating. To ease the sting of sitting vulnerable to the public, I am offering five dollar readings with the proceeds going to the arbor fund to plant more trees in town. It is not really a reading that people are used to.
I am a medical intuitive who reads Akashic records. So I can tell the passer-by, what the issue is in their body, and what caused it in a past life. Then I can actually assist them in changing the script on their programming to release the stagnant energy causing the disturbance. Not bad for five bucks huh?
I hope some of you will who are local and see this will come out to say hi to me. It is a long shot. But so is most of the things that others take for granted in this life. Heck, I am not even sure if anyone reads my page anymore with the way the algorithms are screwed with. If you do, maybe you can like the Book Shop’s page. https://www.facebook.com/LiftBridgeBooks/
But next time that you see a book signing, have compassion for the writer. It doesn’t seem like a heroic thing to do, but for them, sitting there, making themselves available to you, may be some of their hardest work.

Gratitude For Keeping Me Alive

Ten years ago, I was laying on a cold basement floor resolved to die of starvation. I would wake up before sunrise and wait for the captor to give me the command to get dressed to prepare and work outside until after sunset. I would frantically dress and await for him to drill me about my dreams. He was looking for any information he needed on what the next step was in my demise.

Little did either he or I know, that my spirit guides were preparing me to have the strength to get myself out of there. They would show me the apartment that I would live in one short month later and showed me the new people who I would meet in my new life. Most everyone that I had known before the captivity would not accept me back into their world. Only a couple special gems would embrace me after disappearing for a year.

The captor could not possible know that every night, I was taken to this seminar-like atmosphere that was set up for many visitors. It was a recurring dream that I had every night. I would be in a hotel setting that was prepared to receive a lot of guests at this special event. Sometimes I sat in the seats like everyone else. But sometimes I was in a back hall with everyone waiting for me to appear.

In the first few months, there were only a few people who were sitting in the chairs. It comforted me that they were there. They seemed to make it easier to get through the waking days. A very few were people I knew were in the crowds. The rest I did not know who they were then but they were familiar to me. It comforted me to be with them. It was as if being with them in my dreams, kept me nurtured from an otherwise socially deprived existence.

Being with them kept me alive. At the ending of my captivity the group swelled to multitudes. Now I know who those people were. They were you. The people who kept me alive with their company are the people here who read my posts and support me in sharing my gifts. Since time and space are an illusion and all is happening at once, you are nurturing that starving, cold deprived version of me so I could get here to assist you in totally awakening.

The resort setting is the Hotel that I facilitated was my first retreat this May. I recognized the Hotel from my dreams when we went to check out the facility. The date was also chosen for me from a dream I had twelve years ago. It is at the same time as the international Lilac Festival in my home town of Rochester, New York. The Ancient ones who Guide me, have had an agenda for me all along. They were feeding me the details in my dreams.

The dreams during captivity were of my spirit guides showing me how many people I would help just by surviving and sharing my gifts. I needed all that encouragement to overcome the daily torture, brainwashing, starvation, harsh weather, sleep deprivation and sensory deprivation that I endured. Knowing on a subtle level, that I would know all of you and have your love and support, kept me alive.

Ten years ago, I will have made the journey to my freedom. I was half dead and terrified but alive and excited as well. All kind of fears and curses from the captor were met to get away from that experiences. It was surreal and unimaginable at the time. But it was done and the gifts that I now access, took a long time to be drawn out of a terrified brainwashed emaciated stupor.

The date of my escape is the only special day that I celebrate. I am mostly alone since my reemergence into society and live like a monk. I spend my days writing, doing healing work for individuals and the world and tending the needs of my furry family inside and out. This year, I am celebrating by opening up more and more to assisting others than I could not have possibly fathomed even knowing; except of course in my dreams. I came back to society thinking I was a retarded boy. As articulate as I write, that is the simple mentality that I operate from.

It is a very vulnerable way to live. It took me ten years to build up the courage to be physically present with others. It is no less than a miracle that I am reaching you all with these words. It took so much endurance and resilience merely to live in a sea of people where there was no love for me. How ironic that I teach others how to love beyond all outer limitations and in all situations. My insights have been developed and honed honestly through a personal quest to experience love.

As a way to reach more and more of the community that has kept me alive, more and more venues have been created to allow me to assist as many souls as I can in the world. Since I have returned, many people have experienced energetic shifts in themselves that have experienced great transformations. They have seen great shifts in the world as a result of my group sessions geared to benefitting all of humanity.  My goal is that everyone overcome whatever limitations that may hinder them in any way. May they access their gifts and talents as a way to pour their incredible love into the world

One of the side affects of surviving being starved and tortured nearly to death is the ease in which I am able to love. This love pours out into everything I write and you are all benefactors of that great resource now. My books are not merely worlds but a conduit and an equation to reach higher consciousness. Another way to connect deeper to those I love is the group sessions that I facilitate weekly. They are accessible to those who really want to realize their own omnipotence in the world.

These are a couple of the ways you have access to me and my love and gratitude and specially honed gifts. I am fearless in speaking truth and empowering others because I went through the process of enlightenment and know that I was kept alive to do exactly what I do. I am grateful to have such purpose and am completely immersed in sharing all my gifts so that you can uncover all of yours.

My next retreat is this September 8th and 9th. The one in May was a reunion of souls who have never met in this life before. The love and transformation were incredible. In this upcoming retreat, we will be blurring the line between animate and inanimate life. As this line is what keeps people enslaved to linear limitations. I will also be reintroducing the attendees to their childlike wonder through releasing their resistance to play. It will be dynamic energy work disguised in play.

I would love to see you at the retreat. You can register to attend here. http://www.jenuinehealing.com/